One Year

Last year I paid for an upgrade on my WordPress account, thinking I would write more. One year and this is my first attempt.  Nonetheless I will continue to subscribe and take my rambling thoughts and essays written in the clouds to print. Funny, saying “pen to paper” or “type it out” now is almost archaic as a description of the writing process.

So many thoughts, lines, and sentences waft through my mind and I can see them in print. Why do they rarely get there?  I am here, thinking, being and wistfully searching for a place, an anchored place with freedom to move.  Isn’t that sort of the opposite of Driftless Mosaic?  What is a Driftless Mosaic anyway? Driftless refers to Wisconsin and the glacial movement there, but beyond that  I cannot give a definition yet the idea of a mosaic pieced together: bits of my past with glimmerings of new ideas put into place, a movable non movable place.  I realize this doesn’t make sense to anyone but me, but it feels right.

I am amazed to be in the seventh decade of my life…. seventh.  Like many, I am grateful to be alive while bemoaning the changes that come with increased time on Earth.  A therapist encouraged me to think of where I am in my life process, as in what changes I’m facing and what is it that I need to reckon with.  Reckon with.  What does that really mean?  Come to terms?  Analyze?  Recognize?  The message I took was one of ownership.  Where am I at this stage of my life?  What do I have to consider, to change, to grieve? It’s a lot to think about, as I realize I’m in a whole new growth and development stage.

This process of life as I get older does not get easier.  Oh to have the life I perceived when I was a child! As one who both thinks and feels deeply, I have become more reflective instead of less.  Grief is real, as is frustration and self judgement.

That’s all for now. More to come soon.